27 January 2012

Blessings

There are so many blessings in our lives, but sometimes we choose to not look at them, be thankful for them or acknowledge them. I understand that most times it is because our problems and stresses can overtake our mind and be set as a priority...but if you ask me, that is a huge mistake!  

I heard a saying many years ago, you get what you give..and while I am sure that is not always true..for the most part, it is.  If you always be thankful for the little things, you will find, I believe, that life is much easier to get through. When we focus solely on the negative aspects, which is easy to do with so many world issues and so many people without work, we become negative..which may attract negative energy; obviously what I am getting at is the opposite holds true. 

I have been really depressed and feeling sorry for myself. I am in another country, very far away from my family and friends..Most of the people I have met here are shallow and self absorbed..not all, but almost all. It does not set well with my sense of fairness and my natural need for harmony and peace..So, I have been pondering home, the familiar and those that I know and love, who are not shallow and self absorbed.  These bouts of being homesick are not easy to get through, they are so turbulent, I feel a need to leave NOW, not later, and..I can't. I must remind myself why I moved here to begin with..but none of that has worked out..some of it my fault and most of it "just the way the cookie crumbles".  While I love this country and I love the friends I have made, as well as the family I have met..but ultimately, it is not my family and it has been made (gently) clear by them on a few occasions. Sometimes, I think moving so far was a lesson..to not take for granted the family you have and the friendships you've maintained for over 25 years. Though, new experiences and new friends have also been a wonderful experience..except when they went sour. I do have one friend here who I treasure..but she too... is far away from me. 

I do feel discouraged at times when it is always me telling family and friends "I miss you and love you"..when I do not get in return...It makes me wonder, am I missed as much? Am I loved as much? I have thought about the idea of stopping myself from doing it to see if anyone writes that to me...yet, I can NOT because that would be denying them my love (from afar) and the possible joy of knowing that someone who loves them, also misses them. 

The blessings in which this post is about is to be thankful for your past, present and hopes for the future. I am grateful for the internet, Skype and tinychat..I have been able to talk to my family and friends for hours, for free..I can see them and hear their voice, as they can see me and hear mine. It makes home seem not so far..and it helps me sleep so peacefully knowing I have connected with them on that level. 

I feel blessed for food on our table, a roof over heads, the good health of all my children, husband, siblings, my parents and friends..Though I am saddened that my mother in law is not doing so well..I hope that they (The doctors) are able to get her back on track. I'm grateful she the care of a medical facility and good doctors. 

I feel blessed that I have compassion and empathy, it seems to me that not many do. So many or driven by lust and money..they forget or do not even think about those that are destroyed in the crossfire. So many abuse a child or an innocent animal to feel powerful, because inside they feel so weak - or are mentally destroyed. What the excuses are do not concern me as much as the harm. WE all know right from wrong and they do too, otherwise they would not try to hide it and conceal it.

I am blessed because I feel, because I think, because I care and because one day I know, being positive about my circumstances will bring good things into my life. If I focus too much on all that is wrong, I will be buried in darkness and sadness and that is where I would stay. I refuse to let my shortcomings define me.

xoxox Sobria.







30 November 2011

Hypocrites



I think we can all agree we've met at least one, if not a few in our time. I find these people quite interesting; I often wonder if they even take a look at themselves before they go spouting off at the mouth?

An example might be a man who steals tools from building sites, smacks his child so hard he leaves his handprint, and is so dominant over his wife, she grabs her kids and runs when he goes into "red alert" mode. Yet, this person, I wouldn't call him a "man", believes he is a great parent and husband, sees nothing wrong in HIS stealing or doing illegal drugs, and doesn't seem to actually find any faults with himself whatsoever. Yet, this person has security cameras around his house..no one better try to steal from him, only he can steal... 
In many ways, his spouse is no different as she too enjoys many hits off the pipe throughout the day and knows that she has to hide the children's misbehavior from the father. While I believe she likely feels she is protecting them, she is paving the way to a life of deception. Children do learn from us as they watch and learn how we handle things. I'd think parents would fully understand this. Obviously not. The mother spends her time messing up the kitchen and leaving it, probably to take a few hits off the pipe, making the children something to eat and handing it to them in the living room, so they can still watch television. I read an article once that described such a practice as the reason so many children are obese.  I suppose that it also does take away from time that could very well be spent at the dinner table where all meals, in my opinion, should be eaten, but it's possible it could improve digestion; to be sitting up straight and eating properly. I'm no expert, I'm just guessing about digestion.  

Both of these individuals come from another country, no, this is not their motherland. They elected to come to this country, to build a life away from the drugs, crime, and gangs in their homeland. So why then do drugs? Why then be a part of crime (stealing)?  They also don't even like the people of this country, they refer to them in many foul ways and claim to have never met a "smart" one yet! 

I am not certain that I see too many smart things about them either to be honest. Certainly, jeopardizing your children's welfare by physically abusing them, growing an illegal drug, or even having said illegal drug in your possession is not very smart, nor is stealing very expensive items from building sites very smart, the higher the value, the bigger the crime, and what if one of the workers caught him? What might they do? Would they call the police or would they figure out that he's the guy stealing everyone's expensive tools that they rely on to get work to feed their families.. There is a strong possibility of street justice over calling the police.  What good does that do the family income? How smart is that? How smart is it to be of childbearing age and not be on any birth control and drink alcohol and smoke pot all the time?  I don't find that to be very smart either.  How about sitting outside, talking on the telephone, cussing your neighbors up a storm, and being dumb enough to think they can't hear you..that's not very smart..it's also not very smart to borrow things from said neighbors..you know they heard you.. I'd be careful what I borrowed and put in my mouth!  This is the same person who calls others backstabbers and users. 
I can't think of a better example at the moment to describe a hypocrite!













28 August 2011

Be happy! It really messes with their heads

One of the things I love is, despite any attempt to bring me down, I generally remain happy. There is no doubt that initially when I see things without my rose colored glasses on, I am deeply hurt and disappointed, but it never lasts long, I am resilient and truly have a wonderful home life as well as friendships that are positive, fulfilling, and loving. 

There are several people I know, and have been friends with for well over 26 years. We have had moments, but never fights or sour words, we respect each others differences, we don't try to change one another, and we never call each other names. One thing we have always done is be respectful to one another, it has never been "my way or the highway". We actually love one another and each other's families as well. 


If or when, someone enters your life, for whatever reason, and there is always a reason, and they are initially a great help or just a warm person to be around, and you find that really changes into something of quite the opposite, there is also a reason for that. It is not to teach you anything really, but nevertheless it will, I believe that the reason is to gauge how well we respond to it, because that..will surly show your own personality.  You will do the usual mourning of losing someone you considered a friend, and hopefully you will quickly move on. It is important to focus on what is positive in your life and smile..be happy to be rid of someone who may have cursed you out behind your back, or used you for financial gain, or maybe just took for you for their mule. Whatever the case, be happy that the person(s) and the universe showed you that he and or she does NOT have you or your best interests at heart! It WELL & TRULY is a Blessing!!!  No more wasting time..

I love that I have such a wonderful disposition that I bounce back..there is no doubt that I will recall what the person(s) did from time to time, but I certainly do not live my daily life based upon it. I love my life way too much for that! I love the real friends that I do have and treasure way too much for that. Imagine if I let the actions of a few, impact my life so much that I began to become judgmental, suspicious and overly opinionated with real friends?? That would be catastrophic! They do not deserve that, no good friend does, no matter if this is a friend of one month or 3 centuries!

Be happy!!! Smile in the face of adversity, stand up to a bully and stick up for yourself! If you feel that you can't? Send me a message, I will help you overcome that!

xoxox
SOBRIA.

16 August 2011

Bitter or Angry?


I asked myself this question the other day because as I read my own blog, I thought, WOW you are either bitter or angry, maybe even both!!! I needed to be honest with myself and the answer was- yes, I am angry. I am angry about many things from the past, very angry in fact. 

Anyone who has endured much of the things that I have, I believe would feel no differently. What does not help is those disappointments and unrelenting heartbreaks are so close to the surface, yet we go through our lives day to day not really thinking about it anymore..believing it is the past. I am here to say that for me, it really isn't, it is as close to the surface as it can get. How I know this is due to a process called self preservation. Which I can describe for me to be about ensuring I do not allow anyone to be abusive toward me ever again, to make sure that I do not associate with anyone who has displayed an abusive nature. 

I do not play well with those whose first love is money and power.  Immediately ones mind may go to a politician or some sort of profession. However, I am really talking about ordinary people.  Some "ordinary" people wield power in different ways, it might be in the office, a boss that never asks, or says would you or could you please..instead may just slam things on your desk and demand a time frame for it to be done.  It might be a spouse who is verbally abusive and goes out of his or her way to humiliate you, it could be a friend who never misses an opportunity to let you know that he or she is doing far better in life than you are..it could also be a child abuser and/or an animal abuser, depending on which one they have.. children or animals.  It could be someone who refuses to take no for an answer..and just pushes and pushes..by saying no, you are making them feel powerless, thus they relentlessly call and call if you have hung up on them..or if you have for example..requested they no longer contact you, will continue to do so..a lot. Just a few examples that I consider to be traits of an "ordinary" person who is in love with power (and control).   Money, we all know those whose first love is money; in my opinion, they are the ones that constantly flash it..talk about what they have bought (always pricey items), vacations, boats, cars, toys, and everything else. Generally, you know how much their mortgage is, how much their car cost, how much private school for the children cost, how much their jewelry is worth, and what they make a year, or a week..whichever they carry on about. They generally pick friends who they deem to be less fortunate..because lets face it, if they hung around those who made as much, whether they made it known to everyone else or not, it would be a challenge for them to brag..now wouldn't it?  

Those are the sort of people I just can't stand to be around. I am not intimidated by anyone in power, I am not jealous of anyone who lives well and I surly do not feel inferior by either. What I do feel is a sense of disgust at the behavior..period. This is NOT to say that everyone who holds high professional positions and make excellent money are all lovers of money and power first, or at all. There are many people who are definitely financially secure with a powerful position in life who are compassionate, loving and caring. I have lived well, and I have lived on an excellent income, and I never demanded anything from anyone, I never bragged about what I had, in fact, I preferred that no one knew. I was generous, usually anonymously, and sometimes not so much, especially if anyone needed help and came to me for that help, I always helped. I never felt I was better than anyone else and I never treated anyone as if I were. BECAUSE I WASN'T. Money does NOT make anyone BETTER in ANY sense. The only thing anyone should judged on is who they are as a person, nothing else.

When I mentioned that my bitterness or anger is generally close to the surface, I did so because I have seen myself in action (obviously). I do not tolerate blatant disrespect towards myself or my loved ones..ever and I am not ashamed to admit it. I do not deserve it..no one deserves it..not an ordinary person. Yes, there are crimes committed that we may make comments on that are disrespectful, but it is because of what they have done, this is not what I am talking about when I say that no one deserves it. 
  
Sometimes I wonder if I am the "watch" for things with people that I know I just can't handle or accept..but in thinking about that, I will say..no, I am not. I am myself when I meet someone, I expect them to be as well, I do not pre -judge anyone, I do not look for bad things, when I have decided that I like them, I just enjoy them for who they are. Basically, as best as I can describe it, it is when they feel comfortable enough around me to be themselves that I will know who they really are, which naturally occurs when you spend a great deal of time with them. When I see dominating behavior, or a love of money & power..I'm instantly disappointed. I know that my sense of right and wrong can not tolerate that in my life..been there & done that..and those feelings of anger resurface, the ones I thought were in my past..and I must wash my hands of the situation with those people. I will have nothing to do with them.

It might sound as if I think I am really something special..that couldn't be further from the truth..but what I am is honest, especially with myself. I can not feel and be content in MY life if I allow myself to be surrounded by those who pretend to want to see you do well, while praying that you don't, by those who use you as their sounding board, yelling their vile profanity and hate, by those that want you to feel defeated by letting you know how far you must go to reach their level (they measure success by money & power)..by ANYONE who isn't a "friend". 

You also do not need those kind of people in your life. Live well, live happily, live contently..take the trash in your life, to the trash and don't look back.

xoxo SOBRIA.
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24 July 2011

Why am I so intuitive?

Having recently had a wonderful visit with a dear friend, who's more like a twin, I say that because we are very much alike. It is of great comfort to me to know her and spend time with her because if I did not have her, I would go through life explaining that I am not a judgmental, paranoid bitch.  Having someone in my life who is on top of her game as I am, I never feel the need to explain.


I realize that a lot of what people say and do are "habits"..and that is something I do as well. I may respond to a comical email with "how funny"..instead of using my own brain and writing "I think that was so funny, I really laughed!".  I may also "automatically" be polite because I am polite and very much about respect. In hindsight though, I will ask myself "why didn't you just tell ____to to take a long walk off a short pier?" Or be more direct and tell them exactly what is on your mind??  Because sometimes you aren't in the mood to have a headache that will ensue, and sometimes you just do the polite thing and provide grace (not being mean when you could be) because, in reality, you are not aggressive..unless you are forced to be.  So, I get ALL that...I DO.


What I don't GET is those that constantly lie, pretend, sneak, and plot. They do this with their friends, they do this with co-workers, job applications, the tax department (idiots), and everything they come into contact with. There's always a plan, if you will, to have it all come out in their favor. Leave nothing to fate, because they know that fate doesn't like their kind much at all. 


Many people are just unhappy, and for good reasons some of the time, finances stink, relationship stinks, maybe they have lost someone they love dearly to the heavens, maybe they have lost their job, it could be that they have had or been in a terrible accident or some trauma, it could just be GUILT..whatever it is, for each person it is REAL and it does affect them and how they carry out their day to day to lives.  It doesn't have to, but you can't tell them that unless they want to change their lives around.


The sort of people I am speaking about may well have those issues, and it could very well be what makes them the "demons shat from hell" that they are today..frankly, I don't give a fuck!  Should those people find themselves in my exclusive circle of people that I call my friends, (not my facebook friends, my REAL friends) they will swiftly find out, and become greatly annoyed that they can not pull their shit with me. Ah, yes, for a while, they will...because I am a trusting person, and I am a person who overlooks A LOT of things in order not to be "all up in their business" so to speak.  It is not a requirement of friends to agree on everything n' anything..sometimes you have to accept their false as they must accept yours..but only up to the point that you see their false lies within their soul and they are actually soul-sucking demon in human clothing. That's when most run..but it is when I expose them..initially, people will say "nooo, you have them all wrong"..or "you're reading too much into it", and even "do you even like anybody?"..these things I must live with, but I do not stop ripping layer after layer down..and finally, people see what I showed them all along..no..it isn't rewarding, it pisses me off because I HAD TO PROVE I WAS RIGHT  to be believed. BUT, that is HOW good these fuckers make themselves out to be. Except with me. 


I watch someone's face and eye movement when telling me a story without even realizing it..because when I begin to doubt the story, I will later (even months later) recall what they were wearing, their facial expression, eye movements, the pitches in their voice, their hand gestures, etc.and I know when someone is talking to me, I'm not analyzing them, on a conscious level, anyway. 


I have always disliked a woman my step-brother married, I never met her in my life..just email contact and later facebook contact..I knew from the opening gate I did not like her, though I tried very much to like her..I set aside many things she said, implied, and reacted to and how she reacted to them..in order to like her..in the end, I concluded that I could not stand her, not because I'm a bitch, but because she is, as well as a pathological lair and an attention seeking slag.  She made a highly offensive status one day, and I called her on it..but simply by saying "that sounds racist"..I'm sure you didn't mean it to..but it does. After I did, 2 others echoed my response..to retaliate, she went on a mission to do her best to humiliate me, which did not go very far..as she knows nothing about ME, as I said, I did not like her from the start, I certainly never had personal conversations with her, so instead she began to make things up, as she was dwindling down with trying to prove what she was saying about me, (because she could not) she deleted me..thus disabling my ability to defend myself. Which is fine..but it proves my intuition about her.  No good, from the opening gate. Since that has occurred, she has offended my sister and my mother..while I am sorry that happened, it again, proved what I was saying all along, she's no fucking good.


There's another story I will delve into later, this is way too long..and I will let you rest on this.


As for my friend, my twin..she gets it, as she warned me before about someone and I didn't listen..that will never happen again.


xoxo
Sobria.


You can follow me by clicking this link to my #socialmedia site.









25 March 2011

I'm Keen...

Gut Feelings, The Intelligence of the Unconscious - 2008 publication




Saying "I'm Keen" doesn't mean I think I'm great or that I'm ready for anything. It means that I have an ability to see peoples motives, and even when I "suspect" them, I often ignore them..it is later that I can say "I knew it". Because, I well and truly did.

I find myself annoyed much of the time at the things people will say and do to "cover up" their REAL motive. I am annoyed because it is so transparent to me, and I am also annoyed that they are such cowards that they won't admit to it, or would try to be coy about something to get their point across..instead of just saying it!  Example, instead of saying I bought this for $__.00 , I bought this for $__.00, I bought this for $__.00 , I am buying this for $__.00  or that for $__.00, and naming expensive price tags, what they are REALLY saying is "I have a lot of money", Or "I'm rich, you're not"! OR "I am doing better in life than you are".  Most genuine people wouldn't name the price and certainly wouldn't carry on..

The ways in which people attempt to needle me or others is in one way, amusing, in another, annoying, and showing a great lack of character. 

Sometimes, it is what someone doesn't say that gives them away. 

I find my main problem is that I am a believer in friendship, I believe it takes being a good friend, to have a good friend. I believe (well, used to) that people are inherently honest and good. I take those beliefs and give the benefit of the doubt several times over until the plain truth is not just staring me in the face, but slapping my face. It is at that point that I let them know every word and move they made, exactly what their motive was, and the consequence of taking me for an idiot. Nothing violent, mind you, I simply tell them I won't have anything to do with them, and I don't.

Trust your instinct with people, don't pre-judge, don't be all paranoid with them, be relaxed with them because that is when your instincts will guide you and if there is an "off" feeling? There is a reason, believe that!

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23 March 2011

Us, the human race

The Power of Integrity: Building a Life Without Compromise 



Integrity: Good People, Bad Choices, and Life Lessons from the White House 



I find myself asking, what in the hell is going on with people?  I can give a hundred examples of why I ask, and quite honestly, worry.  Recently, I was involved in something on facebook, that turned out to be nothing but a ploy for attention. The part that really disturbs me is that I really went to bat for this person who says she is pregnant and being harassed, and given this person is a relative, I was very upset!!  I intervened and defended said relative, only to later read that the harassment really didn't bother her,  cause "no one was bringin her down". I live in another country, it was expensive for me to call that country 5 times in her defence. Not only was I extremely upset by the language used against this relative, but also suggestions she should have an abortion!  That individual is clearly mean, malicious, and thoughtless. However, my relatives response was obviously "ha, ha, I got my aunty involved, this sucker will pay now" and once I was involved, I did end the problem, at great expense to me financially and emotionally.  In that scenario, I evaluate it as follows; The harasser is void of compassion, plain and simple, the relative is void of integrity, plain and simple, and myself, is void of self control. 

Other instances include animal abuse, it seems to be ramped, like a disease. I am seeing more and more instances of animal abuse than ever! I am talking torturing animals, for pleasure..and then you have people who do not even consider their pet a part of the family any more when it becomes an inconvenience..They want to move or have a baby, perhaps they want to downsize into a beach front unit, I don't know and quite honestly, I do NOT care what their pathetic excuses are. These people KNOW they are wrong, morally corrupt, and complete liars! They bring them to the shelter with so many lies it isn't funny, "suddenly they have an allergy to the 4 year old cat or dog, or they lie and say it bites (stupid idiots, puts that dog right in the front of the line for euthanasia), they even say it's a stray..how pathetic is that? A well fed, healthy animal; who is clean and groomed..that isn't a stray fuck wit, it's either a lost dog or your dog, likely your dog cause you are looking so hard for an excuse to ditch your "beloved pet" that you can't reason that out! 

School bullying has been an issue from day one in any school around the world, why is that? It is something learned at home?  Is there abuse in the home of the bully? What makes a bully so aggressive, mean, and hateful?? anyone..????  I am pleased to see it IS an issue taken seriously now instead of telling the victim to harden up..ignore them and they'll stop (right.........)

The good ole on-line experience..WOW is all I can really say, there are so many people who use their time on-line wisely and actually educate others or help them in some way, then of course there are those that use it as an opportunity to degrade, insult, and bully others. I don't see this is an an adolescent ONLY issue, I see more adults behaving badly than I do young adults, honestly. What is now defunct in the lives of people that they must hurt someone else to feel good about themselves? I know, to an extent, this has always been, but before it was face to face, where you could clock a bitch who talked such shit to your face, in fact, most of the stuff said over a computer, would NEVER be said to someone's face, EVER.  So why would anyone feel that it is appropriate? Truth is, I don't think they even care or think about what is appropriate..but one thing I do know, if you watch them on-line, how they talk to others and behave in general, you have seen through their soul. It's the "real" them. How they are in person, is actually the actor whose being "human" to ensure friends, lets face it, it's gotta be lonely as hell to be evil. No decent person would bother with such ilk.

Personal lives, on and off line; some of it is downright disturbing!! Just a few examples, verbal abuse on children..what's up with that? Are they that weak minded, lacking that much parenting skill, or human love and compassion that verbally bashing a baby or child is the solution? I won't get into the real, physical bashing of child right now, or this blog won't end. People do the same to animals, what? They have no feelings? They don't know the difference between a happy voice, a very angry voice, and angry behaviour? Well, if you are doing that and reading this, STOP that shit NOW! Yes, they do know and you do not deserve a child or a pet if you do not have self control! Goodness me, that is common sense! Get help. Or give child up for adoption before you hurt it and do the same with your pet! BUT..when you bring that pet to a NON KILL shelter, don't lie, tell them your an abusive assbag and do not deserve the pet and it surly does not deserve your abuse!

I do not address "everyone in the human race" in this blog, but those who can relate to, and identify with, what I have said... this blog's for you.  It's time to make a change, its time to make sure you replace hate words with nice words, to lower your voice, to be on your computer and realise that a real person is on the other end with feelings and problems of their own, they don't need your bull shit adding to them. "Treat others the way YOU want to be treated". I am not suggesting that you let someone bully you or a relative..not at all, I am suggesting you leave the verbal/written aggression for those that well and truly deserve it. Don't verbally assault someone because you can and won't miss any teeth for it..because you're "on line". 


Lets all TRY to be more compassionate, to realise that we are all hurting in one way or another, that as a human race, we need to stick together, not divide. 


Can you just try that?



















27 January 2011

Negativity & Jealousy

As I write this, I am disgusted, annoyed, and bewildered. You see, I have a good friend, who I'll call opal, who has a beautiful, 16 year old daughter, who I'll call diamond. Diamond is model material, but she is too short, otherwise, she'd have been "discovered" and working as one by now.  Diamond is sometimes called names in school, such as fat and ugly..I see diamonds pictures all the time, all recent, she is far from either. 

Because Diamond is 16, and they are impressionable, emotional, and take a lot to heart. I decided that I would take 3 recent photos of Diamond and post them on my facebook page, posing the question, cute or stunning? Everyone that commented made positive comments and I felt really good about what I had done, because you see, Diamond is also on my friends list on facebook, I wanted her to read positive comments and help her see she is none of the mean names that jealous girls call her. One of the cute comments came from her mum, Opal, saying Thank you, she's only 16, but she will appreciate your kind words.  Then..I was dismayed and angry when one of my "friends" posted on the first photo and wrote, cute..I struggle to find stunning. I replied, "keep looking, you will find it". She bypassed the second photo, which was the most stunning of all and went to the third and wrote, she's cute but she still has baby fat in her face..this was after the comment from mum stating the girl was only 16, she then carried onto say some other negative comments, she wrote a dialogue on her negative opinions of this girl. In my disgust and complete disbelief that anyone would insult a child, when clearly I, her friend, wrote that Diamond is gorgeous, just made me furious!  I finally wrote my purpose for the posting of the photos and used that to explain why I'd be deleting all negative comments and then, promptly did so.


Now, the "friend" who posted these negative comments is middle aged, over weight, divorced, and unemployed. I understand her personal negativity to an extent..but I believe that it's shameful and disgraceful to be cruel to others because you're struggling with weight issues, and are having a hard time finding work.  


I just want to say to anyone who reads this, if you find yourself in the situation my soon to be "ex friend" did, don't be cruel, don't pass off your hate and negativity onto anyone, but especially a child. If you do..you have more to be ashamed of than you realise. 


In hindsight, my "friend" made an ass of herself, there isn't one person who'd look at her photo and not see this was the act of jealousy. Middle aged women have no business being jealous if a 16 year old kid! 


Grow up!

25 January 2011

Stubborn or Integrity?

There is a quote that I love; One of the truest tests of integrity is its blunt refusal to be compromised.
 
diploabu 

Chinua Achebe quotes

I have been accused of being obstinate, closed-minded, and basically uninformed because of strong values/beliefs on many things.  Clearly, I love the above quote because my rejection to be compromised has led to others compromising their manners, sense of reasoning, and themselves. They always tend to start ridiculing you because you will not shift..Which isn't saying much for their moral fiber, now is it?

Now, I understand the difference between being compromised and having a belief system that may be flawed, nevertheless, if you believe in it, you know there are flaws in it because any knowledgeable person would logically know enough about it to trust in it. The alternative belief may have more flaws, thus you have chosen to believe what sits best with you and your lifestyle.  Being compromised can dictate to many different facets of being and way of life.

I believe in G-D, and many believe in evolution. These are debates that will bring out the worst in Christians and heathens alike.

I believe in right and wrong, some believe that everything they do is right and you are always wrong.

I believe in family values, while others believe in “getting theirs” even if it's against the family.

I believe that those you meet for the first time should be accepted, and respected with an open mind unless of course the meeting is a professional one and you are visiting them in prison to discuss their rape/murder/abduction, etc case.  Others believe that people must earn their respect and trust. I believe that it is I who must earn that from those I meet.

I believe that my behavior when I am away from you should embody my behavior when I am with you.  Some people believe “the cats away, the mice shall play”.

I believe that there are some actions that are unjustifiable and unforgivable. Some people believe that everyone deserves a tenth chance.

I believe in being honest and being myself, always. Some people believe it’s best to make an impression and set out being someone they really aren’t..but they can’t see that.

I believe that if we don’t occasionally put ourselves first, we will always come up last. Some people believe that it’s best to always put others first, it’d be selfish, otherwise.

I believe that a true friend is rare and is to be treasured. Some people believe that true friends don’t exist because everyone has an agenda. (That’s usually the person who believes that way).


I believe that pets are the most precious gift to man and should be treated with great love and care. Some people believe they are easy targets and abuse them in the most horrific ways. (These people are typically mouthy, but cowardly, and bullies to other people).

I believe that children are also the most precious gift to man and should be treated with the greatest love and care. Some people believe they too are easy targets and abuse them in the most horrific ways. (These people are generally mouthy to anyone they deem below them, obviously cowardly, and bullies to those, including pets, that are weaker and smaller).

All of the aforementioned subjects I will not be compromised on. I stand by what I believe, and I will NOT agree with you for the sake of satisfying your ego. I will not surrender to a weakened alternative nor have in me an iniquity that would destroy me to the core.

So call me obstinate, closed-minded, and basically uninformed because of my values/beliefs on many things.  Clearly, I love the above quote because I have integrity.


~Sobria~

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Control Freaks

Why Is It Always About You The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism














I really can't stand to be around control freaks..They grate on the last nerve in my body, I have to control myself so I don't go off on a rant explainin' to them that most everything they do, they do wrong..that their way isn't best, and their demands are unreasonable! Control freaks need to learn that they end up with the majority resenting them, maybe even hating them, and they are viewed as someone with a superiority complex, and of course, that is repulsive in itself.

Everything must be done their way, in their time frame, and with their approval, of course. They have to be head honcho all of the time and everyone must answer to them. It's quite Hitler'ish if you ask me. I have seen a connection between substance abuse and control freaks, but maybe that's just my experiences with "those people".

A control freak believes that everything they do is 100% proper all of the time, they are superior in their knowledge of, and performance of -  domestic duties, cooking, their chosen career and yours too, gardening, parenting, driving, planning, organising events, etc..You get the picture. I think these people are also narcissists because they are egotistical and self adsorbed..They would have to be in order to maintain their superiority complex and the constant bullying they hand out to get their own way. It is ALWAYS about them and never about YOU.

I have found that most are not easy to deal with and nearly impossible to live with. They are quite unstable if things do not go their way, especially if they TOLD you to do something and when to do it.  They don't ASK if you would do this or that, they order you to do it and most times will state at time it is to be done.  This is infuriating to say the least..no one appreciates being told, on a daily basis, what to do and being given a deadline to have it done...especially in their own house!  The problems that can result from living that way, I imagine are many. This "doing as your told" business can really alter the individuality of a partner/spouse, they literally must start living to satisfy the control freak..or face a row  they likely will not win. The reason I believe they wouldn't win is because if they are weak or kind enough to bullied around, they won't have the back bone to tell the control freak to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. 

I too have a propensity to be controlling, I believe that many of us do, but there are limits to mine. My control freak nature is to just do it myself, honestly, there are certain responsibilities that I don't feel anyone else can do suitably in my home. I took absolute control of home, I did everything myself.  This is controlling in its own way, it just doesn't assault the lifestyle of others, unless of course they want to eat or have a drink on my couch, you'll cop it from me right quick for trying that!

I once worked for a control freak, it didn't last long..he accused me of signing his name to a legal letter, I showed Mr. Scatterbrained the original which used HIS pen that he carried with him always, upon his sighting that he was, in fact, wrong, an apology was ordered, I didn't see one coming, so as he walked to leave my office, I said "pardon me, don't you have anything to say?"  He replied "yes, I do, I need this file and that file and I want them now"...I instantly jumped from my chair, slammed my fist on my desk and loudly yelled "Just who in the F---k do you think you're talking to?"  His stunned look elated me, he hadn't been aggressively challenged before..With that, I slammed my hand again and yelled "F---ing answer me!"  He sheepishly left my office, put on his coat and left the office.


I quickly typed my "resignation letter" in paragraph 2 of a legal letter that I had been typing,  “you can finish this yourself, I quit"!  Proudly, I left my office keys on the file cabinet because I had flipped my desk, locked and walked out the door.  Within 2 minutes of driving home, my mobile phone was ringing and beeping I had 3 voice mails when I got home, all from him, wanting to “discuss this, please” and apologising for his behaviour.  I did not call the idiot back because I DO have backbone and I do not have the patience or the capacity to deal with control freaks.











20 January 2011

Parenting

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</script>Why can't these little, beautiful, soft, sweet babies come with instructions?  How much easier would parenting be, if before you left the hospital, you were magically delivered a manual that told you everything about your new baby, how it preferred to be held, when it wanted to be fed, if it would be stubborn and how to cope with that and how to still maintain the authority needed to make things right. If the child were to be too passive, how to teach it to be more aggressive in terms of not being a doormat, but certainly not a bully; if there were underlying issues for the potential to magnetize themselves to addictions, how to avoid that and keep the child on a clear path. 

Not to diminish the valuable lessons that mistakes teach us, because they are paramount, we need those lessons, however, it would be so great for parents to have a clue what you are capable of dear child. 


The mistakes we make with our children because we are doing it all, no matter how many you have is on instinct, but not based necessarily on the child's real needs, and perhaps a manual would help?


Each child, if you have 1 or 7, are all uniquely different because they are individuals. They may resemble you both, but they aren't you and realizing this is also paramount. They aren't necessarily going to be like you, they may be a polar opposite, therefore having a plan, having some knowledge would help in so many ways.


Children, also teach us..they teach us to play again, to find fun and humor in the little things, they teach us that a toothless smile is adorable and completely irresistible, that the sound of their cough or sneeze is enough to bring us to our knees with worry; that teething, though we don't remember it -- is hell..or for some babies, you never even notice they are cutting a tooth because they either deal with it better or simply do not go through agonizing pain in the process. They teach us that dirt is fun and crayons are magic..pots and pans are actually musical instruments and the toilet is for flushing everything that is unwanted or pretty cool to watch swirl around before it attempts to go down..they teach us that a midnight feeding is an opportunity to bond...and that cookie crumbs are fun to mash into into anything! 


When the child is a tot, we wish they would learn all these things, such as talking, walking and maybe even feeding themselves, we yearn at times for them to grow - DON'T - as they grow, the problems can too...Let them be a child, explore, wonder, learn and play!

 My children mean nothing less than the world to me, so often I feel I have failed them, and in many ways, I believe I have. I did not have a manual, I was 17 when my first was born..I was 25 when my last was born. I was many times, a baby, raising a baby.


Which brings me to say; read parenting books, take from them what sounds reasonable and feels comfortable for you - not everything in them is gospel...like I said, all children are individuals and one size does not fit all. Listen to your elders, they have great advise..it might seem "not you" when you hear it, but trust me, they have been there and done that!
When in doubt? Consult your pediatrician, they can guide in you in many ways and I'm confident quite happy to and if they are not? Time for a new pediatrician.


Love your children, praise them, guide them, by all means, discipline them (not abuse them)..teach them and you will have a child that can go out in this world and make his or her own way..if they choose not to?  Then at least know that you gave them everything possible to succeed...if they choose drugs or an alternative lifestyle (want to be homeless, want to travel with a band and avoid college to do so, etc) ...that is their choice..as much as it hurts....remember, they are individuals and we really don't have them long enough to do it all.  Just TRY. 


















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